Women hate spreadsheets, technology, and order. That’s what I’m taking away from the latest faux-outrage over the guy in New York who methodically kept track of the women he had recently dated by using the quant component of the Microsoft Office suite. The man, who works in the finance industry in NYC, stumbled by sending the spreadsheet to a woman in whom he was interested. She then outed him to the world and his system went viral.
Jezebel called the man a creep. HuffPo insinuates that he’s a sociopath. Others have called him a cad. All of the shame jabs are reminiscent of a piece written last year on Jezebel’s cousin site Gizmodo in which a young woman openly ridiculed Magic world champion Jon Finkel after they went on a date. Her advice to men: if you’re a nerd be up front about it so women can avoid you.
Annie Karni of the New York Post pens the biggest pile in her article titled “Real men can close the deal without opening Excel“. With a lede that increases the hopes of fledgling writers everywhere, Karni writes:
Put away your calculator, you cad!
And give up logging women into an Excel spreadsheet like cold, hard sums to be measured and sized up in stark little rows.
Dating is not business. Women are not statistics. And this is no road to success.
Actually, dating is a business. This man is being labeled the “Match.com Spreadsheet guy”. And it is outfits like Match.com and OKCupid that are precisely in the business of turning daters into data.
As every sane person has probably pointed out by now, people are constantly keeping track of information of data for prospective mates anyway. This is merely a case of historically internal thoughts being digitized and flashed across tens of thousands of mini Jumbotrons
. Karni continues:
All single women in New York City know but try to forget one simple truth: When you meet a “single” guy for the first time, he’s more than likely already dating multiple other women.
Karni may need to bust out a spreadsheet of her own. If every “single” guy in town is dating multiple women then this implies that every “single” gal in town is dating multiple men too. We could begin to discuss the ramifications of sex ratios, skewness, or kurtosis, but that might require us to open up a second tab on our Excel spreadsheet. And that’s hard!
The “dork” factor of this spreadsheet exceeds any and all dating horror stories — Internet or not…But Spreadsheet Guy seems to be cruising around with his light perpetually on — he slows down a little, does some profiling, choosing who to pick up.
Yes, partners should be doled out to prospective daters/maters like government cheese. Personal agency in “choosing” who to date is an affront to humanity, especially when men are choosers. This upsets the paradigm. The feminist argument penalizes men for acting on their evolved desires. People are compelled to profile and to choose, and sometimes these turn into conscious thoughts.
What lies at the heart of all of this? I’ll go deep here and make the point that women don’t understand men’s desire to put numbers and stats – which all imply the order found on an Excel spreadsheet – to the many aspects of their lives. This gets labeled commodification or objectification by the more verbally versatile i.e. women. So what does the mocking and the outrage hurled at this man tell us? That women don’t “get” men. This is a generality that applies to whomever it applies to – the commentators who have judged this guy for a very innocuous thing.