G.L.Piggy [at] gmail.com
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I have to thank OneSTDV for slugging through the TV show The Bachelorette. One writes on an incident on the show involving Emily Maynard and a contest from the show named Kalon.
As One points out, Emily is the widow of deceased NASCAR driver Ricky Hendricks. Emily has a six year-old daughter from that relationship. During the show, Kalon told the other guys that Emily’s daughter is “baggage”. Another contestant caught wind of this and snitched out Kalon to Emily (side question: do these snitch men ever get the girl?). Here’s the entire exchange:
A couple of thoughts jump into my mind. First, I see Emily overcompensating for her absence from her young daughter by becoming irrationally upset at Kalon’s statement. Emily talks about ripping Kalon’s arms off and she says that she’s upset so much because she loves her daughter. That’s curious given that she has chosen to jaunt off to London for this TV show which further disrupts the life of a young girl who has already had to deal with a lot.
After the Chief Orbiting Beta shuttles everyone into a room for a confrontation between Emily and Kalon, Kalon provides a rational defense for his choice of words. As he says, any man weighing a future with this woman does have to consider the fact that she already has a child. That’s part of the equation, and it goes in the negative column for any man weighing that decision. Almost no man ever has thought that a child from a previous relationship improves the desirability of a relationship with a woman.
To be somewhat fair to the Bachelorette, more baggage should be associated with the untimely end to her relationship with a rich, famous racecar driver. One whose memory will be forever carried by the daughter they created together. But the show’s contestants are probably competitive in their own right so they probably believe that their good looks and charm can unhinge the pesky memory of any deceased fiancee. What they cannot overcome is the innate aversion to raising another man’s child. Hardly any man can compete with that. “Baggage” is a very diplomatic term to use.
And then we see more emotional outpourings from Emily. She says that she is “so disappointed” in Kalon because he is the product of a single mom and that he should know better. I’d say that this has helped him reach this particular stance on the issue. He’s in a much better position, as a man, to understand what constitutes baggage and what doesn’t. I consider myself to mostly be the product of a single mother, and I also understand that I would have rightly been considered to be baggage as well. My mom, because she’s not irrational and selfish, was hesitant to date other guys after her and my dad split up (and before they got back together) because she knew that another man wouldn’t have much of a vested interest in my brother and I. Sure, any guy she might have had a conversation with on the topic might not have called us “baggage”. This is merely semantics, though, as we would be a burden of some kind. My mom even said it directly to me once. She never remarried or seriously dated during the nine years that her and my dad were split up because she knew she’d never find a man that loved me and my brother the way our real father could.