Clinical psychologist Glenda Corwin looks for the silver lining in what’s known as lesbian bed death. Insofar as feminists hem and haw at the suggestion that the absence of a more highly sex-minded man would lead to a lower incidence of sexy time in a relationship, this passage is a stunning admission:
At first I was overwhelmed, and a little depressed, about how many of my lesbian clients and friends were rarely — if ever — having sex with their partners. But when I started doing research on this subject, I found reason to hope. There’s some evidence that a minority (maybe 20 percent) of long-term lesbian partners sustain sexual intimacy after 10 or 20 or more years together. Through surveys and interviews, I’m finding the secret of their success.
Despite this, Corwin still aims to blame pesky social constructs:
I guess it all stems from how we first learned about sex. We learned that men initiate, women respond, and we all get carried away by waves of testosterone (for men) and romantic passion (for women). We didn’t learn about initiating sex, intentionally making time, and paying attention to details that make us feel more sexual. Some of us may have been told that sexual intimacy is a wonderful part of marriage. But that conversation wasn’t about same-sex marriage. It was about “saving yourself for the man you love.”
No, it couldn’t be that evolution has plans for us humans – plans which we can sometimes veto or derail – but general frameworks for propagation of the species which rely on a certain type of division of labor. And those plans also imparted us with certain instincts and desires which compel us to act towards certain goals. The term ‘lesbian bed death’ implies passivity – action is not occurring. Two off switches paired up. Two individuals on the left hand side of the “action” bell curve, when put together, will have a relationship in which sparks rarely fly.
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Most older women won’t care, and most lesbian couples I see are women over age 35.
Does anyone know why One made his blog private?
A bigger obstacle to successful lesbian relationships is difficult personalities. I know a lesbian who is impossible to get along with.
Having known and parties with young lesbians in my twenties, one thing is clear to me: the only real, congenital lesbians are ones who look butch. They really are “born that way.”
Pretty, femme lesbians? Not real. They are otherwise straight women who were derailed toward lesbianism either by traumatic formative sexual experiences, or by falling in with a crowd of lezzies where “alpha” dykes seduced them similar to how a man would. Those are typically girls who are weak-willed, and often a mess of psychological problems. In their case, going gay indeed is a social construct.
One outlier among femme “lesbians” is the hot young woman whose alpha threshold for men is so high, she prefers to hold out by having sexual relations with other women.
PA,
I agree with everything you wrote.
On a side note my current GF dated mostly men, but had one lesbian relationship. As she puts it, “women are fucking impossible to deal with.”
She is a very high sex drive black woman. I think having to deal with a woman that bitched and wasn’t always up for it infuriated her.
The refusal to admit that there are aspects to sexuality that come pre-programmed is like a kind of mental disease.
As a lifelong lesbian I can assure you that Glenda Corwin is full of shit. lol
And fags being more promiscuous than lesbians is a social construct too. Some people have an amazing ability to miss the obvious.
Social constructs? Aren’t lesbians technically social deviants anyway? Why would they feel pressured to conform to any societal expectations to begin with? Why would they ignore “social programming” telling them to find a man, get married and have kids, but then conform to “social programming” that tells them not to fuck very often? Makes no sense.
Retrenched.. why? simple. Feminists, and this applies to Lesbians as well ( i honestly cant imagine nor have i ever met a non-Feminist Lesbian), are all one-trick-ponies. everything that can be seen as a “negative” even if only temporarily, is due to males, or male influence aka “the patriarchy” or “social constructs”. Nothing NOTHING is ever their fault, or due to personal choices. all “goodness” comes from within, or the sacredness of wise womanhood. everything bad is due to men or the corruption caused by men.
rules are simple
1. women are always right / correct, and always both empowered while being a victim at the same time.
2. If for some reason a woman isn’t, see rule # 1.
“I guess it all stems from how we first learned about sex. We learned that men initiate, women respond, and we all get carried away by waves of testosterone (for men) and romantic passion (for women).”
No. Testosterone is the passion hormone for women too. Men and women are different in alot of ways but “drive” for both comes from testosterone.
Reading the post I was thinking the same thing as PA.
I ran into a lesbian couple just this weekend that buttresses his points. They were a young couple, in their mid 20s, maybe younger. One was a kinda cute, but frumpy blonde hipster, and the other, I thought was her boyfriend at first. She was maybe 6’2″, with shoulders wider than her hips, a shaved head, neck tattoo, wrists thicker than mine and a husky yet still feminine voice. A real butch, not some fat chick wearing flannel (although she was wearing flannel) pretending to be a man.
So a more likely scenario is that only 1 out of 5 lesbian relationships has a member that is actually into women that regularly initiates sex instead of the abundance that have two women that are simply dropping out of mainstream society for some reason.
Lipstick lesbians either don’t exist, or are so rare as to be non-existent.
Testosterone is known to influence libido. It makes sense that lesbian couples would have less sex while homosexual men would have tons of sex.
@PA, (K)yle–
So a more likely scenario is that only 1 out of 5 lesbian relationships has a member that is actually into women that regularly initiates sex instead of the abundance that have two women that are simply dropping out of mainstream society for some reason.
I think you’re right about this. PA, your observations are true, but the “lesbians holding out for a man” category isn’t limited to hot chicks looking for a super alpha. It also includes smart but unattractive SWPL women who drift into de facto lesbianism by way of the feminist subculture. Spend some time in a hipster enclave and you’d be astonished just how many of these women there are.
Usually these girls picked up feminism in college. Because they aren’t good-looking enough to attract regular male attention, they do most of their socializing with lesbians and with other low-SMV straight feminists. They typically describe themselves as “queer,” a weasel word which translates as “heterosexual, but for ideological reasons I try to make myself like girls too — that way I can claim oppression cred and march in pride parades.”
Underneath this thin veneer they are, without exception, desperate for a man. But no man with options will put up with them.
Butch dykes, on the other hand, I believe in. One of the janitors at my office is a black bulldyke — shaved head, tats, muscles that would put a lot of noodle-armed SWPL guys to shame. Women like this aren’t that uncommon, and given the dysgenic selection pressures of the ghetto, it’s surprising there aren’t even more of them. Those thug babydaddies must be passing on to at least some high-T DNA to their daughters.
This study was done in acouple of nordic countries IIRC, but lesbians iniate divorce like straight women do… which means the lesbian divorce rate is much higher than heterosexual marriage.
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2012/04/05/politics-and-feminism/lesbians-initiate-divorce-as-often-as-straight-women/
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It’s clear this thread became a male trolling zone as opposed to one with actual lesbians with experience on the topic. As a “femme” lesbian with a “femme” partner of 8 years and a previous “femme” gf in my early twenties, I can attest to the fact that we exist. Our existence itself offends men who are uncomfortable with the idea that there are in fact feminine women who are only attracted to women. Instead of men simply accepting this (as many women do with regard to finding out a man is gay), they attempt to make fallacious claims about the psychology behind “being a lesbian”. It is not complicated and only becomes so to those who are offended with the idea of it all. And as far as the feminine lesbians who find butch lesbians attractive, sexuality is not always black and white and it is possible that they like masculinity on females rather than males. This does not mean they are straight. I think the obsession with why a lesbian is a lesbian stems from the idea that being a lesbian is not about sexuality and instead about being a man-hating, scorned “straight” woman. I have a straight sister who has been single before and would never have sex with women simply despite having failed relationships with men. And to the single straight men who are claiming this is what some lesbians do, have you considered sleeping with men simply because you are tired of women? This is quite ridiculous to assume that women are sleeping with women for this reason. It is more plausible that many women stay in the closet because of how easy it is to play straight. Most straight women are not questioned about their sexuality, however as these comments prove, lesbians are practically on trial for being who they are. Bisexual women have it difficult as well because anytime they date a man they are presumed straight again.