Kicking. Squealing.
I actually agree with most of this article by Hugo Schwyzer. It’s about how attractive women shouldn’t just assume that their less physically attractive boyfriends/husbands won’t cheat on them. It also hits on how attractive women are so often surprised that their men cheat on them with less attractive women. One snippet:
It’s axiomatic that women are raised to believe that beauty has tremendous power. It’s one thing to know intellectually that “looks can’t buy happiness,” but the rewards of beauty seem so profound and so ubiquitous that it’s easy to buy into the idea that beauty is leverage. That leverage is relative, which is why Betsy –- who thinks of herself as a “7″ –- assumed that her attractiveness would be strong enough to at least keep a “4″ faithful. She might have been less certain of her chances with a man who was her aesthetic equal.
It’s amazing how often you hear a given woman’s yea-saying rah-rah gang criticize the woman chosen by the man who cheated on their friend. I assume we’ve all seen this play out in real life, and it commonly occurs in tabloid media. The cheated-on woman is said to be so much more attractive than the mistress, and everyone expresses confusion over the man’s step down the looks ladder. The incidents that I can recall off the top of my head where the general media response to a particular male celebrity’s mistress choice as being “but she’s not even as hot as his wife/girlfriend” are Jude Law/Sienna Miller (Daisy Wright), Arnold Schwarznegger/Maria Shriver (Mildred Baena), Jesse James/Sandra Bullock (Michelle McGee), Hugh Grant/Elizabeth Hurley (Divine Brown) and Tiger Woods/Elin Nordegren (Everyone).
Men sometimes use women’s ego against them. A man might tell his girlfriend/wife “why would I cheat on you with her; you’re much better looking,” and that’s often enough to get the woman to turn her head.
I wonder how many affairs are the result of an attractive-enough woman just offering it up to a horny man in a relationship that isn’t satisfying him and who has a few free hours. Cheaters I’ve known have tended to be more about ease than the conquest. Also, less attractive women tend to know they can’t compete, so they keep their mouths shut.
Daisy Wright vs. Sienna Miller isn’t an obvious slam dunk. Could go either way on that one, preferably both.
It doesn’t matter how hot your wife is, after a certain amount of time you want to try something new. Why do you think the porn industry constantly churns out new faces? Even though the porn films go through the same exact repertoire of scenes over and over, what makes one different from the next are the girls involved. And not just different faces, but different body types. You may have a skinny wife, so you want to cheat with a curvier girl even if she’s not as attractive.
Over time sex can also get lethargic with the same person and the woman is just not that into it anymore (like post-baby, for example). Enthusiasm matters, a lot. So even if the cheat girl is uglier, she may be more into it than the wife. And it could be what’s allowed and what isn’t. Your wife may not want to do certain things which the cheat-girl is willing to accommodate.
And men just like belt notches. The thrill of the hunt and all that.
But if a woman feels she’s “safe” because she’s very hot, well she also needs to remain very enthused, very eager and very accommodating. Being in bed next to Elin Nordegren isn’t going to mean much if she turns away from you most nights and goes to sleep. Did anybody ever ask Tiger Woods “how many times a month were you screwing your wife?”
It’s just a lack of understanding of male sexuality and a projection by women of female sexuality onto men (now that’s a surprise, huh?). The dark side of male sexuality isn’t hypergamy, it’s polygyny, or, rather, variety-seeking. Bill Maher said it well once when he quipped that “for men, there is only “new” and “old”‘. Women tend to not get this because they are hyergamous, so for them cheating is perhaps somewhat more understandable (not acceptable, mind you, but not perplexing from the female perspective) if the mistress is an “upgrade”, because that’s how hypergamy works — women are rather quite obviously giving away how much they constantly rate themselves against each other, and rate men against each other, in hypergamous hierarchies of attraction, when they make comments like this. That is, male “variety” cheating makes no sexual sense to women, while “upgrade” cheating makes sense because this is how female sexuality works — and then they project that female sexuality onto male behavior and are perplexed when male behavior patterns don’t mesh with female sexual inclinations and drives.
RE. Peterike’s comment:
I pretty much agree, but think a couple’s sexuality gets a bit more enriched/complicated/detailed, if still cooled, as the couple ages.
In other words, the ‘belt-notching’-impulse among males tapers off once you hit your late 30s; sure did in my case, anyways.
There’s a story about Paul Newman being asked whether he was faithful to Joanne Woodward. His answer: “why would I go out for a hamburger when I’ve got steak at home?”
For those of us who live in souther California, the answer is obvious. Sometimes you just want a Double Double.
Peterike: Your wife may not want to do certain things which the cheat-girl is willing to accommodate.
Yep. Number one on the list is, the wife has me down to once or twice a month. Number two is, the wife doesn’t give oral. Mistresses and prostitutes have written it many times, getting over your mental block about oral sex can make the difference between keeping and losing your husband.
This is tied up directly with the stories about men enjoying sex more with their homelier girlfriends. I frame it as pretty girls having their self-worth tied up more in their SMV, so they carry more agendas into the bedroom.
Don’t forget, the guy in the article has some game – he managed to land a pretty hot woman despite looking like a schlub. So *especially* if the woman he cheated with had seen him with his hot wife, his SMV is well above what his physical looks would rate.
For men, variety is the spice of life! However, as per usual, Hugs Shyster misses the mark even when he’s accidentally aiming in the right direction. A hot wife will, all else equal, tend to dampen a man’s enthusiasm for cheating, at least in the short term. Female ugliness matters, and the uglier the woman, the more likely a man stuck with her is going to avail himself of alternative options should they present themselves in a convenient manner.
As I have explained in excruciatingly incisive detail, SMV discrepancy is the variable that best predicts whether a man will cheat. If he is more than two points higher than his wife on the SMV scale, and potential mistresses are closer to him in SMV, then the odds of his cheating go way up:
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/11/15/petraeus-and-the-infidelity-risk-curve/
It’s biomechanics all the way down, Hugs, you slithery deceptive little eel.
Good looking women appear to be cheated on more only because they have higher status husbands with more options.
Tiger Wood’s mistresses were good looking. The other examples are women who were hanging around the house all day. That’s a lot of hours for something to happen, even if she is someone he would never pursue otherwise.
Lara, that’s a good point. Hot women who settle for less socially attractive men — let’s call them beta males — virtually guarantee themselves a faithful husband who will never stray. But then the sex is not so great for those virtuous women. Again, it comes back to my SMV discrepancy theory:
High SMV husband-high SMV wife = some cheating by hubby
High SMV husband- low SMV wife = lots of cheating by hubby
Low SMV husband-high SMV wife = no cheating by hubby (but some by wife!)
Low SMV husband-low SMV wife = no cheating by either party because NO OPTIONS
This is a general rule you can live your life by, but of course there are exceptions, such as extremely horny and impulsive men who cheat all the time because they possess an outsized craving for variety that dwarfs the variety cravings exhibited by the average man.
Two points:
-men’s tastes vary and women who are conventionally attractive (thin) assume that all men find them so. I had an ballet instructor girlfriend when I was young who never imagined that I could find the female students that she made fun of for their wobbly thighs more attractive than her.
-with time looks become less important.
Surely the most notorious example of this phenomena is Prince Charles/Princess Diane/Camilla Parker Bowles.
Even the man with the attractive wife will get sexually bored with her. Sexual excitement in a relationship fizzles out after four years. Come to think of it, I’m at that stage right now in my relationship.
As the saying goes, show me the most beautiful girl in the world and I will show you a man who’s tired of fucking her.
for what it’s worth, I think I saw a stat that said extramarital affairs were 57% for men and 54% for women….
I guess when both genders get to 55.5% true equality will have been achieved…
is this White Nationalist’s “dream womyn”?
http://www.tmz.com/2010/03/20/jesse-james-sandra-bullock-michelle-mcgee-nazi-swastika-mistress-photos/
hahahaha, I bet even advocatus diaboli gets higher class women when he goes to prostitutes…
Any man with a hot wife will be more attractive to other women, just by having a hot wife (“hmm, if he can get her, he must be great”). And Maria Shriver does not belong on the posted list, regardless of how hideous her mexican servant is.
What I got from the Schwyzer piece:
Comely women may have a false sense of security, and all men are dogs.
Yes, hot girls do get dull.
And variety is hot.
Does anything more need to be said…?
As heartiste said, it’s all biology. Women, generally only having the ability to conceive one child at a time, have to be very careful about their mates and are driven to look for high-status men who can provide for, protect, and confer high status on their children. Men on the other hand, having millions of sperm, are driven to spread their seed far and wide. That doesn’t mean that men don’t care about quality. All other things being equal, a 9 is better than a 5, but as others have pointed out, it’s usually the case that all other things are not equal (e.g. frigidity, willingness to experiment). And even though a 9 is better than a 5, since you want to spread your seed, it’s even better to have a 9 AND a 5. You might even say the r/K selection theory can be applied to the sexes, with mean favoring and r strategy and women favoring a K. I wonder if some of this manifests as men generally being more laid back with their kids, letting them be more adventurous, and women hovering over them like helicopters.
PA said: “As the saying goes, show me the most beautiful girl in the world and I will show you a man who’s tired of fucking her.” Agreed, though I’d add: “and is sick of her bullshit.”
We’ve all been on the receiving end of the “I think we each should see other people” kiss off.
Translation: “I’m tired of fucking you. I want to fuck other people, I suggest you do the same.”
So real talk guys…C.R. Clarance, SOB1, promoting Justice, Nikos, Peterike, DOBA,P.A. & any male reader here I left out..
Really tell me, what percentage of men cheat( I mean any type of sex beyond kissing) on their wives and girlfriends? Should I secretly close off a portion of my heart to my boyfriend in the event that he cheats on me in order to protect myself?
In hanging out with other men, what type of men are least likely to cheat?
Give me the truth as you would your baby sister or daughter. Post as anonymous for Gods sake, just give me the real deal.
@Brendan- I think because we grow up seeing men droll over pinups and the prettiest girl in school or on the block that most women assume that when men cheat it’s because they found a woman who was so attractive, she couldn’t resist. Some women are as pissed at the downgrade as the cheating itself.
Now I think women are getting it, that for some men, any new p_____ is good p_____. Buck teeth Becky my weigh 250lbs and looks like a molted sea donkey in the face but if she has a reputation for blowing an instrument better than Dizzy Galespe some dude with an attractive or even hot wife is going to sample her “talents”.
Let me clarify, guys what proportion of your circle of male friends cheat. P.A., you my little dual world inhabiter
give me the dirt on both sides.
Do Polish men look at cheating differently than American men. I was reading an article comparing American men who cheat to French men who cheat. Biggest difference it said was that American men feel guilty about cheating, French men do not.
Men will cheat with a woman who is attracted to him, looks up to him, thinks he’s smart, shows him that she wants him. She doesn’t have to be that physically attractive, just appreciative of him. The secret to getting repeat performances out of him is to let him know, make him think, he’s the one who’s great in bed. Men are usually attracted to lower ranking women, secretaries, receptionists, because lower status women look up to men who rank above them.
@chicnoir
Men are attracted to youth and beauty. Period. It’s hard wired.
For most men, cheating is about options and getting something he isn’t getting at home. If a man has options through work or social circle, he is more likely to be able to cheat. If his wife or gf isn’t keeping him happy at home, he is more likely to want to cheat. .
Best advice. Find a man from a stable, sane family upbringing, or close… Keep him happy. To the extent that you can “manage” other women around him, do so.
Option 2: Adopt the French view. Who cares if he cheats? Just as long as there is little or no romance involved and he always comes back to you disease free and without impregnating another woman…
Look forward to your reply.